The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep
stopped. The others looked at her questioningly.

“That was my pager ,she said. I have a microchip under
the skin of my arm.”

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young
woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she
explained, “that was my mobile phone ,i have a microchip
in my hand.”

The older woman felt very low-tech. Not to be out done,
she decided she had to do something just as impressive.
She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom.
She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her
rear end. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at
her.

The older woman finally said……… ” well, will you look
at that… I’m getting a fax ” !!

Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses
on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow
Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your
Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask
If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It ‘In.’

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once
Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions,
Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ‘ For
Smuggling Diamonds.’

7. Finish All Your sentences with ‘In Accordance With The
Prophecy.’

8 Dont use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with
a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is ‘To Go.’

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don’t
Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play
tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can’t
Attend Their Party Because You’re Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling
Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream ‘I Won!,
I Won!’

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The
Parking lot, Yelling ‘Run For Your Lives, They’re Loose!!’

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. ‘Due To The Economy,
We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.’

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.

Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.
Its Called ……. Therapy

It was mealtime during a flight on Alaska Airlines.

“Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked John,
seated in front. “What are my choices?” John asked.
“Yes or no,” she replied.

SMART ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to
check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her
hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and
flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, “Sir, I need
to see your ticket not your stub.”

SMART ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the
grocery store but she couldn’t find one big enough for her
family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any
bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

SMART ANSWER #3

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped
for speeding rolled down his window. “I’ve been waiting for
you all day,” the cop said. The kid replied, “Yeah, well I
got here as fast as I could.” When the cop finally stopped
laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway.
A sign comes up that reads, ” Low Bridge Ahead.”
Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him
and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up
for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets
out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his
hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck, huh?”
The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”

SMART ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final
exam. “Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you
not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear
attack or a serious personal injury, illness, Or a death in
your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses
whatsoever!” A smart guy in the back of the room raised
his hand and asked, “What would you say if tomorrow I
said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual
exhaustion?”

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly
at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says,
“Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your
other hand.”